Captain's Blog

William Shatner- Captain James T. Kirk himself- revealed in a letter to a fan that he would like to be Prime Minister of Canada. Taking this with however big a grain of salt you wish, how would the captains in the Trek universe (and their second-in-commands) rate?

Kirk: being transplanted from his home and native land for quite some time, Captain Kirk might find himself in Michael Ignatieff's position- a Canadian-born American with lofty goals playing second-fiddle to a more familiar face. While Kirk's devil-may-care attitude may win sway with green-skinned ladies, it won't work at G-8 conferences where there are no green-skinned people, period (I checked). Spock may be popular in Alberta, though, and his logical approach to matters might reduce certain political amateurs to tears. Chekov could be a problem if he toes Russia's line on Arctic supremacy. Nothing says "problems in the cabinet" like wayward Russians, whom we cannot show weakness in front of.

Picard: many Canadians might balk at yet another Frenchman as PM after the disastrous Trudeau and Chretien years but Jean-Luc Picard is continental French so he might just ignore Quebec altogether. His Shakespearean tones will be a most welcome euphonic change to the overly-drawled vowel sounds usually heard in the House of Commons. "I will NEVER raise taxes!" An empty promise has never sounded so lovely. His second-in-command, William Riker, is a native of Alaska, the freak state. Given the irrational reception of Governor Sarah Palin, Riker might well be immune from the Palin Syndrome (marked by misogyny, irrational fears, unfounded rumours and inability to wear knee-high boots) because he is a man. And can you imagine if Picard has Worf as Minister of Defense? That would be AWESOME! Threaten us now, bin Laden!

Sisko: Benjamin Sisko is like Shaft but more intergalactic. His chief engineer is Irish, which can only be a good thing. His security officer, however, tends to turn into something resembling maple syrup after a while. What would happen if a visiting diplomat mistook him for actual syrup and served him over pancakes? Trade agreements have been lost over less awkward things.

Janeway: Kathryn Janeway might look nice in a dress and even resemble Katherine Hepburn but if the Palin Syndrome is any indication of things, people just don't dig chicks in charge (don't look at me like that).

Archer: Jonathan Archer, of the last (so far) Trek incarnation, has a few things in his favour. He has a cuddly beagle, a smarter uniform with a cap to match (much more functional than some god-awful multi-coloured unitard that futuristic people are supposed to wear), a holographic friend to help him on his way and an intergalactic rawness some might find charming (hey- we put with Chretien, didn't we?). His second-in-command might draw in the Alberta AND supermodel vote. His chief engineer might rub some people the wrong way as some Canadians can't distinguish anyone from the American South or why they don't like them. However, the security officer is from England and- if Captain Picard has taught us anything- things sound nicer with a British accent.

Now, go out and vote- or something.