Saturday, June 03, 2006

Things That Fry Me

This is just a general list of things that not only get my goat but butcher it, roast it and leave a bonfire mess on my front lawn.

The word, Canuck- the noun is Canadian, as in "I am a Canadian." The adjective is Canadian, as in Canadian literature (HA! I made myself laugh by typing Canadian literature!). If you cannot use the word in either function or even bring yourself to say it, you shouldn't be allowed to speak.

Why is it that every nonactor or some other nonentity who happened to be associated with Canada at some point has to be glorified in the Canadian press (I'm looking right at you, Pamela Anderson, even though I really don't want to)? Who the hell cares? If these celebrities are so proud to be Canadian then why do they live in the US? Oh, that's right! Money- the very reason that drives all the other Canadian talent across the border.

This criticism can be applied to American celebrities who love Canada so much (they obviously haven't lived there) but will not surrender their American citizenship and become tax-paying citizens of Canada. Dinks.

Why does the singer Pink have a career? Is there a market for butchy loudmouths who hate tonality and harmony? Also, the following singers shouldn't have careers as well: Beyonce, Mariah Carey, Brittany Spears and K-Mooch, any rapper, Kelly Clarkson, Barbra Streisand, Michael Jackson, that creepy girly guy on Korean commercials for pomegranate juice (insert skin crawl here).

People who further the careers of the following- George Clooney, Kiera Knightley, Julia Roberts, Tom Cruise, Ben Affleck, Cameron Diaz, Sarah Jessica Parker and Jessica Simpson. Shame on you! What were you thinking?!

Excessive grammatical, spelling and punctuation mistakes. Now, far be it for me to point a finger. I'm sure there are several such mistakes in this post alone, but at least I give a care to fix my mistakes. There are people who do not care to speak or write in their first language (in this case, English) properly. Why? Since when was gutter-speak and poor technical ability ever a sign of intelligence and seriousness?

People who give their kids stupid names like Apple or Brittney or Montana (it's a state, dammit!) or Taylor or Caitlin or some other rubbish trendy name (don't get me started on "African" names). These people obviously don't love their children.

The Da Vinci Code- Michael Coren, a columnist for the Toronto Sun, had it right- no one would make a film denying the Holocaust and then justify it as entertainment. So this rubbish is justified how? Entertainment? Fact? Fiction? Acceptable targeting?

People who walk slowly at subway stations (chiefly because they are on their cell phones or sending text messages) and obstruct others' paths, I'm going to kick you in the back. Fair warning.

China, the world's biggest polluter, violator of human-rights and underhanded aggressor and enabler of aggression (see: IRAN and KOREA, NORTH).

Ditto for people who buy cheap crap from the aforementioned country.

People who have their music up too loud. Yes, that's right- share your music with everyone.

The conflagration of fug. Ruffles, sequins, brown and pinks together, suede boots, cowboy boots, jean shorts, jean shorts with high-heels, leggings, stocking-socks. All of it is BAD BAD BAD.

Thank you for letting me get a few things off my chest.

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