The Next Four Years

How will the next four years go?


(Setting: there is a global meeting somewhere in Europe; a crowded room with foreign dignitaries, select news personnel and the new president who is now working his charms on some EU diplomats. A Fox news reporter tries to get the president's attention for a quick sound byte.)

Obama (to EU diplomats): I spoke to Ahmadinejad. He seems like a reasonable guy. I think he was pleased about my offer to fit his nuclear reactor with American technology.
Fox Reporter: Mr. President! Mr. President!
(Obama wearily turns to his attentions to the reporter)
Fox Reporter: Mr. President, if you please, a word. How does it feel to be the first African-American president?
Obama: (clears his throat) Well, you know, Marsha...
Fox Reporter: Jeanine.
Obama: Jeanine (sorry), I feel like the culmination of history.
Fox Reporter: (furrows brow) That doesn't make any sense.
Obama: It's as my great hero, Martin Luther King, once said: "I have a dream- a dream where Gotham City is free from corruption."
Fox Reporter: Wasn't that Batman?
Obama: (taking a swig of a drink) Maybe. I have a lot of heroes.
Fox Reporter: I see. Well- how do you feel your presidency will be viewed? Aren't you worried that political pundits will jump on your every move?
(Obama reaches for a bottle of water on a nearby table and opens the top. He pours the contents on the floor. Immediately, the entire CNN news team gets on their hands and knees and laps up the water. The Fox Reporter is stunned, staring at this agape. Obama doesn't bat an eyelid.)
Fox Reporter: O....kay.... Very well, Mr. President, enjoy the rest of the evening.
Obama: If the caterers are serving pie, I'm sure I will.
(Later on that evening, Obama is in the men's washroom, ready to relieve himself.)
Obama: Man, those martinis will go right through you! I should tell Michelle to lay off of them.
(Obama is interrupted by a camcorder-carrying fan. He tries to compose himself.)
Obama: Hey! What the hell?!
Camcorder Fan: Oh, wow! Obama is peeing excellence! (sigh) This is the best day of my life!


And that is how the next four years will go for President Obama. Not only will he prove charming and be able to get entire news agencies to ignore any deficiencies and irregularities, he'll also be afraid to go to the bathroom. His kidneys, as a result, may suffer. I've been called many things on this blog but never will it be said I don't worry about the man's kidneys!


As for the other end of the spectrum....


(A seasoned CBS news reporter sits down to interview Alaskan governor Sarah Palin)

CBS Reporter: Thank you for being with us, Governor.
Sarah Palin: Well, I'm just so darn glad to be here. Thanks for havin' me.
CBS Reporter: Governor Palin, let me be frank for a moment- do you really think you are qualified to run for the highest office of the land?
Sarah Palin: Gosh, that's a loaded question. I believe my experience as the governor of an energy-producing state and my willingness to work with others proves that I am ready for the task. If the American people have faith in me, then I'm willing to try.
CBS Reporter: (taken aback) Faith? As in religious faith? Could the American people have faith in someone who can't withstand kryptonite?
(The CBS Reporter dangles a piece of kryptonite on a chain in front of Sarah Palin, who flinches. The CBS Reporter puts it away.)
CBS Reporter: What if the Molemen attack us? What then?
(Sarah Palin incinerates the CBS Reporter with her heat vision. She rises from her seat.)
Sarah Palin: I must go. My planet needs me.
(Sarah Palin, sans cape, flies away.)


And that is how the next four years for the governor will go.
You might say: "There was no need for Sarah Palin to incinerate the reporter with her heat vision." But I ask you: wasn't it a merciful thing to do? I mean, when the CBS reporter wakes up in the morning, she's just a reporter. However, when Sarah Palin wakes up in the morning, she has the power of Krypton in her moose-wrestling arms. We should all be so lucky. And- quite frankly- she is more likely to take down General Zod than sell out the human race to slave away in zinc mines.

I think we know which side we should be on.