Friday, September 16, 2011

A Public School Primer

Sidebar: If the public schools had the guts to be honest.

Attendance Taking: Rattle off names that have Ys when they don't need them, ethnic names your liberal white-bread tongue cannot pronounce no matter how multicultural you think you are and the four girls named Madison

First on the curriculum: White Skin and How It's Bad

Followed by: Will These People Ever Shut Up About Stuff That Happened AGES Ago?

After recess: The One Percent Seven Year Itch

Don't stare at the freaks, children.

Followed By: Snitching on Your Relatives, Rifling Through Bookbags That Aren't Yours and Other Fascist Activities You Can Do With Your Little School Friends

Lunch: peanut-sugar-salt and carbs-free (give detention to anyone with ham or other tasty food after sufficient group brow-beating)

After lunch: Did You Know the Chinese Make Your * Christmas Toys, Pollute Their Own Countryside and Endanger Orangutans?

* (Find another word for Christmas like "Winter Day" or something. Yes, the kids will furrow their brows in vain and give you other weird looks like when you called Halloween "Orange and Black Day" but you've run out of acetaminophen and that "equity" loser has been on your case since you pointed out that no one EVER has put up a "holiday tree" for Valentine's Day)

Why does China hate these baby monkeys?

Next class: Not Being Able to Pee Right and Other "Joys" of Female Circumcision

After recess: French (throw in some gay or multicultural terms. Whatever.)

Last five minutes of the day: Math. No, that's too hard. Make sure they know their left from right. They need that for Islamic Studies class.

(Thumbs up)

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