Thursday, June 16, 2011

I Am A Vancouver Rioter

(Warning: strong language and images therein)

I am a Vancouver rioter.

My parents (whoever they were) have done their utmost to do zero parenting. They indulged my every whim and refused to discipline me in any way, shape or form. I, therefore, grew up believing I should spare no thought for others except myself and also eat with the same hands I never washed while exiting the bathroom.

I am a Vancouver rioter.

I refuse to work hard at anything other seeking my own pleasure. I get drunk, eat fatty foods and blow smoke in the faces of small children and asthmatics.

I am a Vancouver rioter.

I have devoted huge sections of my life to things that don't matter, like sports, the latest media trends and adjusting the bass of my car stereo which I play as loudly as possible because I like sharing my terrible taste in music with everyone else.

I am a Vancouver rioter.

Like a total douchebag, I have no personality of my own. I grunt, make rude noises and follow the trends everyone else around me, including that bizarre social experiment called Facebook upon which I gleefully uploaded my criminal activities for all to see. I don't care how others see me only that they do see me. I need the attention that badly. I have absolutely no shame at all.

I am a Vancouver rioter.

I want to be a part of a happening. Yes, I took my photo in front of the store I vandalised. Everyone else was doing it, too, and I would hate to not follow the leader.

I am a Vancouver rioter.

I smash things for no reason. I overturn cars. I pick fights, especially with people who have a shred of dignity. I hate those people. They remind me of the human person I should be but can never be because I'm a total jackhole who thinks of nothing and no one but himself. I am grossly immature and cannot deal with the fact that my hockey team, which I only like because it is named after the city I don't deserve to live in and because of those nifty looking made-in-China jerseys, lost a game. I probably would have rioted if they won, anyway, because, as I said, I am thoughtless, destructive and want to be a part of a happening.

I am a Vancouver rioter.

I cannot understand why people frown on my destructive, jerkish behaviour or why the cops are after me.

Oh yeah.

That stuff I did that I put on Facebook.


Blazing Cat Fur said...

You'll be hearing from the Douche-Bag Anti-Defamation League!

Osumashi Kinyobe said...

Oh no! Not them!