Friday, February 25, 2011

Oh Shut Up

An open post to miserable people:

I gather from your responses that you are miserable. It's not just your contempt for all the good things in life; it's your complete disgust for children.

Not everyone is meant for the vocation of parenthood. I suppose that happens. But a mature, self-effacing person who has arrived at this decision doesn't begrudge parents or belittles them. No one likes cleaning up after a messy, crying three year old but that three year old will grow up and look after himself one day. Do you think anyone wants to put up with your miserable emotional baggage and your complete inabilities to wash your hands after using the bathroom, cleaning up after yourselves or turning off your cell phone in the theatre? What about when you want the stewardess on an overnight flight to give you your wine spritzer NOOOOOOOOOWWWW? Yes, this poor woman doesn't have enough to take care of thirty thousand feet in the air. At least the baby in coach has stopped crying and is resting comfortably. Now the stewardess has another baby to look after- an intolerant, impatient, wrinkled, bitter, flatulent grown-up-child who will only leave a mess SHE has to clean up. Who's the baby, now?

So- have kids or don't. If you do have them, enjoy them. Who else can you go trick-or-treating with or have long, involved discussions about Spider-Man? If you don't like your kids, do tell them BEFORE they get you an ice cream cake with THEIR paper route money which they bought under the impression that you actually have feelings for them. Or are you that much of a mooch that you would lie to them and steal that cake (yes, you're stealing an ice cream cake from YOUR CHILD, how craven of you). Watch as they grow up into bitter, little people just like you.

Not much of a legacy.


Anonymous said...

You can talk about Spiderman with ME ...if you want. :*)


Osumashi Kinyobe said...

You're a good sport, Harold.