Thursday, February 10, 2011

An Open Letter from Japan to China


It's us again.

The last time we wrote to you we were very, very annoyed about your little trawler captain spin. This time, we'd like to talk about God,

The Lord Thy God will settle thy hash...

specifically those who believe in God.

Now, granted, we haven't always been gentlemen about that sort of thing but we think we've got a handle on the separation of church and state and freedom of religion better than you. We just thought we'd dip our oar in. After all, you do that all time.

What do you mean by this?

The Chinese government has announced plans to “guide” Protestant Christians worshiping at unregistered “house churches” towards worshiping in the state approved China Christian Council/Three Self Patriotic Movement.

In its agenda for the coming year published on Jan 24, China’s State Administration for Religious Affairs (SARA) said bringing all Protestants into the fold of the CCC/TSPM would help the activities of Protestant churches proceed in a normal and orderly way. However, details of how this guiding would take place have not been revealed, the Peking-based People’s Daily reported....

SARA stated it would also work to “educate” China’s Catholics on the principle of self-governance in church affairs, “guiding” Catholic churches in China to independently select and consecrate bishops, rather than defer to the Vatican.

"Guide"? Really? When you say "guide", do actually mean that you will tell everyone what to do and say or they'll get arrested and have bamboo shards stuck up their nails? We just need to be clear.

Or do you mean to plant some puppets in the churches in an attempt to convince them of the Biblical benefits of Mao's pungent legacy?

Again, we just need to be clear.

Then there's this:

The agenda said the SARA will strengthen regulation of foreign nationals’ group religious activities in China and resist foreign infiltration under the pretext of religion.

We wouldn't be doing our job as China's favourite whipping boy if we didn't ask about that. Do you mean that religious pilgrims would be restricted because you fear a takeover of your country?

For the record, you wrecked the place. I mean- you have cancer villages. Trust me- no one WANTS to take over China. You can keep the place. No, the thing that's a constant niggle for us is the "foreign nationals" part. We have Masses in a variety of languages. We don't care. Japanese, Tagalog, Korean- what's the big deal? Provided they don't gas a train, we're happy to live and let live. Infiltrating a house of worship and attempting to sway believers into buying Mao's Red Bag of Total Pig Crap- well- that's just going too far. In fact, that's paranoid. Someone needs a beer and God, Buddha or Hello Kitty knows if there is a suitable one in vending machine somewhere.

I never realised the Vikings went that far.

Sure, you may have sold this bridge to the Anglicans:

Anglican groups have worked to strengthen formal ties with the official CCC/TSPM as well as encourage the burgeoning house church movement.  In December the Bishop of Birmingham, the Rt. Rev. David Urquhart paid an official call on Elder Fu Xianwei, Chairman of the National Committee of the TSPM.  Elder Fu “extended his gratitude to The Church of England for supporting the Chinese Protestant Churches for so many years, meanwhile, also conveyed the greetings to the Archbishop of Canterbury on behalf of CCC/TSPM,” a Chinese press statement reported.

But we're not wholly convinced. In fact, we're sure that this shameful display is just typical of what you always do- bully people into doing your twisted will and leaving the rest of the populace to wonder if they don't get something in this life, are they going to get shafted in the next? Just like in Cuba.

It's just sad, really.

Yours' in Akira Kurosawa,


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