Tuesday, December 13, 2011

An Open Letter From Canada to China

Canada: the Chinese come for the pie and the breathable air

Dear China,

Screw you!

Who the HELL do you think you are?! Who the hell do you think WE are?! Obama?!

The last time we checked, we were a part of the Commonwealth, not a province in Mao's Little Craphouse (which you affectionately refer to as China). It's not like we have to live up to your expectations of us. So what's the deal with us backing out of the Kyoto Accord, a horrid little plan that Chretien, le voleur extraordinaire, approved of?  It's been established that he was a thief and an imbecile. He's the sort of man of whom you would approve. You don't think Mao was an incarnation of Buddha, do you (don't let those rolls of fat fool you)? It's not like the targets of the Kyoto Protocol would have been met, anyway- not that you guys care about that sort of thing. We mean- your emissions went up and the US' went down. What happened there, China? Did you lose your nerve?

Breathe that pristine Heibei air.

So keep your sanctimony and your industrial espionage students. We've got stuff to do.

Go kill a panda or something!

Yours' most insincerely,


PS- we haven't forgotten about Kapyong. We got an apology out of the Japanese and we'll damn well get one out of you, too!

Admit it- our flag is prettier than yours!


Anonymous said...

They like our flag because it is pretty red as well.

~Your Brother~

Osumashi Kinyobe said...

We know how to space out our red, unlike the blanket red of the Chi-Com flag. I guess they never took Interior Design classes!