Saturday, December 31, 2011

Stuff That Happened This Year

Stuff happened and it was awesome.

Well- not all of it.

January: Sarah Palin had an entire month dedicated to her. The "Arab Spring" began. China is an octopus. "Baby Doc" Duvalier was arrested in Haiti. The tragedy of the Brazilian landslides.

February: Sarah Palin Month! Yay! Mubarak is out. In this golden month, Sarkozy admitted that the Euro-dream of multiculturalism was a sham. Ladies and gentlemen, La Marseillaise. Somehow knowing that when one Kim goes, another must follow, China horned in on North Korea's succession racket and backs Kim Jong-Eun, further entrenching its octopus status. Gadaffi won't find this funny a few months from now. An earthquake rattled Christchurch, New Zealand. Let's not forget the Little House of Horrors in Philadelphia.

March: Japan was sucker-punched with one of the worst earthquakes in its history yet did not descend into chaos. AmazingRex Murphy called total pig crap on Jew Hatred Israel Apartheid Week. The dawning of Celebrity Apartheid Week.

April: The "Arab Spring" has sprung... and it's trouble. BCF blew the lid on some malfeasance... and didn't get credited! Russia honoured a man who isn't Pavel Chekov. The Sun TV News network went on the air.

May: That is Blessed John Paul II to you. Obama ordered bin Laden killed... or something. Too little, too late. It doesn't change the fact that George Bush was awesome during the September 11th crisis.  Harper ploughed through the opposition. Slave Lake fire. Just a little event called... March for Life! Maybe you've heard of it?  Caught in a lie.

June: Dalton McGuinty set the mind-rape of children ball rolling. The wholesale slaughter of Syrians. Linda Gibbons was set free. Someone thought combing through Sarah Palin's e-mails would reveal winning Lotto numbers or something. A sizable segment of Vancouverites proved to be douchebags and ransacked the downtown area. Toronto mayor Rob Ford opted for the company of family and the comfort of the cottage over a mandatory sleaze-fest.

July: John Baird's refusal to accept North Korea as an honest broker was marred by his complete acceptance of China as an honest broker. Ontario is a have-not province. The CBC refused to name war criminals hiding in Canada. A madman in Norway went on a rampage.

August: North Korea shelled Yeonpyeong Island and rioting in England. The Keystone Pipeline came under fire from people who have no clue what they are talking about. Christie Blatchford called silly people out on the canonisation of the deceased Jack Layton. His death overshadowed the death of a deeper man.

September: Ezra Levant was as mad as hell at the Saudis and wasn't going to take it anymore. Canada proved to be a better friend to Israel than the US. Pope Benedict XVI visited Germany and was totally honey badger about it. Greece knows how to blow a budget.

October: Steve Jobs passed away. Tim Hudak took defeat out of the jaws of victory. Occupiers introduced us to a culture of filth, waste and rape.

November: BC upheld the ban on polygamy. There was yet another crisis at Attawapiskat.

DecemberCanada withdrew from the Kyoto Accord, much to China's dismay. Christopher Hitchens' death removed in his mind the possibility of God. Kim Jong-Il died. The world rejoiced.

And Christmas happened.

Here is to hoping that the next year will be better.


Anonymous said...

In April shouldn't that be BCF? tessom

Osumashi Kinyobe said...


(ducking away humbly...)